It’s 12:30 AM right now and I just had a very surreal awaking. And it all happened in my sleep. Now it could be the allergy medication I took before bed, or simply my mind wandering in my sleep however I have never encountered such an empowering moment in my life I was compelled enough to share.
Now I don’t know if I do believe in divine intervention or not. A lot of this time what I do for fun blends into something more and then I am driven to try to further grow and embrace that journey, then I try to turn it into something meaningful. To try and turn it into something that shapes my life into a better place for my wife and myself. I continually try to take these steps and often find disappointment and dismay. When this happens my mind wants to tell me to give up, and be realistic about what is happening, that I may never get to live my dreams out as I see them fit, so I ponder quitting. But the weirdest thing always happens… Something so small but so meaningful to that dream occurs and brings me back from the grasp of its death to push further forward into the unknown. So you may ask now, where does this dream come into play?
The last few weeks have been incredibly hard for me… I have been worn out and depressed again more often than not. My mind has been wandering and luring me into quitting photography and this creative platform altogether. I often find myself upset with my progression, accomplishments and even creative work at times. But oddly enough, after spending the evening with my wife and pup on the couch, my mind was not riddled with anxious thoughts of what is and what is not, I laid in bed and fell peacefully asleep. And in all of its glorious attempt my REM cycle kicked in.
It’s often hard to describe a dream so that is why I am compelled to sit up after a dead sleep at 12:30 in the morning on a work night. It hit me hard, and struck a cord so deep in me it woke me from my sleep. In my dream I am traveling into an amphitheater to discuss something I have created. I am not sure entirely sure if the idea is physical, spiritual, or even virtual but I am there to share it with the world. As I enter the theater, I realize this is much bigger than I had anticipated. People are flowing into their seats like it is a sporting event or music concert. The crowd continues to grow and grow and grow until it reaches so far there are people on the horizon. Now there is nothing but a sea of interested viewers and the dimly lit sky.
At this point my anxiety begins to pick up and I can feel my heart starting to race. My mind begins to wonder and I can feel the heat beneath my collar. As I approach the grandstand that is elevated with many steps leading up either side, a faceless man approaches to mic me up. He clips the gear to my right hip and explains how to use the button.
“Push this to go live, then push it again to go off” – he states
He then ever so gently grabs me on the shoulders and lovingly kisses the back of my neck. In my dream I am awestruck because normally I would respond a bit out of touch if a man kisses me on the back of the neck without me knowing them, but this was different. There was something else to this person giving me my voice to speak to those viewers. A moment of love, compassion, and encouragement to topple that anxiety. The kiss simply reflected that I could make the journey up the stairs to talk to the sea of people and share my creation with them. As I journey the stares I begin to talk through the microphone to the people and they chat back repeating my words. A wave of energy and me sharing a moment that seconds fewer had just taken me back to my pits of fear, now empowering me to speak and to share my laughter and thoughts with them. This moment felt like it was for me, like I was living a dream if even for a moment. I was doing things I would not normally do, and the support was so explosively awesome it fueled me further and further outside of my comfort. As I continued to climb I migrated through groups of faceless men and women helping orchestrate the show. Operating in a very similar method to a movie or concert crew with the single objective to get the show on the road.
As I reached the head of the stage and was ready to speak, a mysterious wave of sand began to roll through. Quickly the faceless man rushed me down from the grandstand and out of the storm trying to protect me until the storm passed. I could see the others on the platform scatter away with my escort and myself, and I can remember feeling how much of a disappointment it was to reach the top of those stairs and to not be able to share my thought with that endless wave of people. How I was once again hitting a wall that was going to keep me from fully escaping my comfort zone. The entire time I am pondering the situation, the faceless man has held me safe and kept me from harm. I am not to far from the stage to come back, but I am far enough away to leave. The faceless man still holds me but does not force me in either direction, the choice is entirely up to me to either climb those stairs again or go back down to the bottom and join the people that flood the amphitheater. I then make my decision to climb.
As I begin to take the steps upward the faceless man slowly starts to relinquish his protection and I begin to move more and more freely. As I climb further and further the sandstorm begins to dissipate and I can see that the crowd is still there in full force. Through the thickest of the storm they never wavered, they held strong and stayed put to hear what I had to say, what my creation was, and what it had to offer the world. As I ascended further and further closer to the podium I began to regain my calm. I started to shout out to the sea of people through the push of the microphone button, and they would shout back.
As I finally crested the edge of the platform to look out to the entire horizon of people I could feel the heat of the lights on me. It was just me and them with the faceless people standing behind me watching in encouragement. I slowly approached the podium for the second time unprepared, nervous and excited all simultaneously. I felt a serene moment of pure peace with no cell phones in the crowd, no crickets, no chatter.
There was a pure silence, like I was there to share something so grandiose that I had the full attention of everyone.
As I reached down to press the button to speak I felt so empowered that I had the eyes and ears of so many people at one single moment. I knew I had to say something from the heart. Something I had been hiding inside of me from the moment the sandstorm rolled in until the moment I ascended those steps a second time to that podium.
My fingers held steadfast and my index finger initiated the purest click of any button I had ever touched and I spoke….
“My theory on life is simply this:
You can either live long enough for your dreams to become true, or you can dream big enough for your life
I then woke.